Gossip.....

I love where I live.  I love the people here and feel so lucky to have made the friends here that I have.  I am fortunate that so many people here have gone out of their way to do something caring for me in my kids, whether it is a neighbor shoveling my sidewalk or someone bringing us dinner.  But sometimes it is hard to live in a small community, especially when you are someone that had an active role within that community.  Brian was that active person, and so many people knew him or at least knew of him here.  Being in that "public eye" isn't always easy, and it is amazing to me the things that I have learned about myself through the gossip of others......

A friend of mine told me one day that she had been on the phone with someone who knew me.  That person referred to me as "the devil"....really?  Me?  The devil?  Of course, my friend wouldn't tell me at that time WHO had said it, so here I am walking around my small community looking at people and wondering if THAT person thinks I'm the devil?  It is NOT a good feeling......Later my friend told me who said it, and it came from someone I never would have expected, someone with the capability to really hurt me, and this comment succeeded in doing just that.  The worst part about this situation is that this person got "misinformation" and by that I mean she was basing her anger towards me on something that she had been told that was completely untrue.  She had heard that I asked a local organization for money so that I could buy coats and boots for my kids.  Mmmmm, no, not even close to the truth, but instead of coming to me and asking about it she chose to believe the lies that were being told. 

I learned today from another good friend of mine (who had heard this from her neighbor) that I am "shopping" for a husband.  Apparently I have a goal of being married in the next year so I am working towards that.  Oh by the way, I am also looking for someone who makes a lot of money.  Huh?  Okay then......For anyone reading this I am NOT looking for a new husband, shoot, I'm not even looking for a DATE!  Now, don't get me wrong, if the opportunity presents itself to go out, I might just do that, but often the thought of dating gives me an anxiety attack.  I do hope that SOMEDAY I will find someone who is able to fill Brian's very big shoes, but that day is not today, and probably not any time soon.

Gossip.  With just these two situations (and I am guessing there are more out there) I am being portrayed as a lying, selfish person with a helping of promiscuity and gold digging on the side.  Yep, that sounds like me...NOT!!  I don't know how these things get started, but it only takes one person to say something untrue and in a small town that spreads like wild fire.  It is frustrating.

For those of you in my community that hear these things, thank you for not believing them.  I will admit though, that gossip hurts and now that my widow bubble is starting to fade away those rumors hit a little bit harder.  Unfortunately, gossip won't go away and I will just have to try and shrug off those untruths as best I can.  In the mean time, I will just continue to be me and continue down my path of healing.  I guess gossip is just one more fork in the winding road of widowhood that I will have to deal with.  Rats!