August 7, 2012...19 years. That is how long we would have been married had Brian not died. 19 years. Wow. This is one of my last big "firsts". The next one coming up is the anniversary of his death...after that, I am done with "firsts", well, at least the big ones like birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. I'm sure along the way there will be more, but they will come and go. The day before my anniversary I was a wreck. I cried at everything. As I was on my way home from an appointment I was near where my brother works. I was again in tears and thought "I need a hug" so I stopped. There was no one in the reception area so I texted him and told him I was there. His response "why?". Before I could answer he was standing in front of me and I was once again in tears. I told him I needed to be with someone who knew me and he said to me with a smirk "and you thought of me?" Even in the hardest times he picks on me, but he did make me laugh, just a little.....
The day of my anniversary I was in a better mood. No tears, and I felt truly happy. So, what did this widow do to mark the event? I did several things....
I had my wedding band engraved with "You are my Heaven" I believe that if Brian could say anything to me at this point, that is what it would be. He loved me more than anyone else on this earth. I was home for him. I wear my ring on my right hand, above my Mother's ring with Brian's wedding band below. Our children surrounded by the love and commitment of their parents.......
I had my engagement ring and the left over gold from Brian's wedding band made into an eternity pendant. It is stunning and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I have not worn my engagement ring for months and it feels good to have it on. His ashes are on the back of it, so he is close to my heart.....
I bought myself diamond earrings.....For years, every, and I mean EVERY, birthday, holiday, and anniversary Brian would ask me what I wanted. My response was always the same: Diamond earrings. In fact, I said it so much that this past Christmas one of the kids asked me what I wanted and another one yelled out "diamond earrings!" I never got them. Actually, he did go to buy them for me one time for our anniversary, however he ended up buying me a gorgeous set of blue zircon earrings and a matching necklace (and there are diamonds IN the set!). He said that he kept going back and forth between the diamond earrings and this set and he couldn't resist the set. He said that they were such a beautiful blue that he needed to get them for me. They are indeed stunning and I love them to this day.
My favorite anniversary activity was that I got a tattoo. Yep, a tattoo. I had been wanting a memorial tattoo for a while, and finally decided on a design. It is PERFECT! I got it on the inside of my right wrist. It is purple and says love. The top part of the "L" forms a cancer ribbon and the rest of the "L" makes a heart.
It was a good day. I cherished the memories of what Brian and I were together, and I created some memories of my own. I still miss him, that goes without saying, but I am happy, which is what he wanted for me. I celebrated his life and our marriage on that day, just me and it was an amazing day.
Happy Anniversary Brian,
Love, Me
The day of my anniversary I was in a better mood. No tears, and I felt truly happy. So, what did this widow do to mark the event? I did several things....
I had my wedding band engraved with "You are my Heaven" I believe that if Brian could say anything to me at this point, that is what it would be. He loved me more than anyone else on this earth. I was home for him. I wear my ring on my right hand, above my Mother's ring with Brian's wedding band below. Our children surrounded by the love and commitment of their parents.......
I had my engagement ring and the left over gold from Brian's wedding band made into an eternity pendant. It is stunning and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I have not worn my engagement ring for months and it feels good to have it on. His ashes are on the back of it, so he is close to my heart.....
My favorite anniversary activity was that I got a tattoo. Yep, a tattoo. I had been wanting a memorial tattoo for a while, and finally decided on a design. It is PERFECT! I got it on the inside of my right wrist. It is purple and says love. The top part of the "L" forms a cancer ribbon and the rest of the "L" makes a heart.
It was a good day. I cherished the memories of what Brian and I were together, and I created some memories of my own. I still miss him, that goes without saying, but I am happy, which is what he wanted for me. I celebrated his life and our marriage on that day, just me and it was an amazing day.
Happy Anniversary Brian,
Love, Me
