I have been cleaning out my closet and our dressers, not an easy job in any situation, but this time it makes my heart hurt. I am doing what I need to do to make my room mine. Brian was the kind of guy that really didn't care WHAT his room looked like, so for the most part it is decorated the way I want it anyway, I'm just working on cleaning it and making it truly my haven. As I was cleaning I found a journal that Brian used to write in. In the journal was this Gratitude List and I feel like it is the right thing to do to share it:
I (Brian) am grateful for:
My wife for pulling me out of the dark when I start to give up.
My kids for making me want to live more, love more.
My in-laws for never being negative, always positive and caring and seeing the frustration in our lives.
My mom for making our life easier.
Friends for caring and doing what's needed.
Strangers for helping and changing me, our family.
I (Sheryl) am grateful for:
Having had the love and life that I did with Brian.
My kids for making me smile and see that life goes on after loss.
My parents and siblings (their spouses too!) for loving me the way they do and taking such good care of me.
My mother in law for loving my kids the way she does and giving me an occasional break from parenthood.
My friends who have been amazing throughout the many ups and downs of my moods.
Strangers for saying something nice or bringing us a meal "just because".
Overall, I am grateful that I finally FEEL like cleaning my room and making it mine. As I continue to clean my room, closet, and dressers I know I will find
many treasures. Some will remind me of a funny moment and others
that will make me cry because of my loss.
Whether you are family, friend or stranger, thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for walking with me down this winding path of widowhood.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Cherry Pie Filling
Even now, when I am in the grocery store I will grab things that I know (knew) Brian would eat. Because of his Whipple surgery, the man could eat pretty much anything and not gain any weight. In fact, he had to eat a LOT of food just to keep his weight on! He always considered eating his second job. The other day I was shopping and I grabbed a can of cherry pie filling. Brian LOVED cherry pie filling. I would go to bed at night and wake up the next morning to an empty can with a spoon in it on the counter. I always made sure we had at least one can in the cupboard at all times in case he got a craving.....
So, I grabbed a can of cherry pie filling, not really thinking about it. Then I grabbed whipped cream...... Last night, after dinner I spooned a bowlful for each one of us for dessert. As we ate our cherry pie filling we each went around the table and told a funny story about dad. Hannah told about the time Brian tied her to a tree with a doughnut tied around her neck and peanut butter on her nose (she was "bear bait"), he was making a video for his friend who he was going to go bear hunting with. We still have the video and it is really funny. Abbie (who pulls her eyelashes) told about the time Brian told her that whenever she thinks about pulling an eyelash that she should think about pulling a hair on his butt. Then he mimicked what his reaction would be if she did that. She still laughs about when she thinks about him saying that. Tucker told a story about Brian trying to get the kids to do something while they were watching tv. When he couldn't get their attention, he stood in front of the tv dancing in his underwear. Genevieve laughed as she told about a picture she had seen of Brian in bed with his bike (he had my baby blanket on top of the bike, which was the real joke there, since I was in my 20's and still slept with it!)
I told the kids about a time that my brother and I went to a race with Brian in Arkansas. We were bored, and our hotel was across the street from a mall, so we went shopping. We bought a Nerf basketball hoop that had suction cups to attach it to the door. On our way home, my brother was driving and Brian and I were sitting in the back seat of the car. Brian took that basketball hoop, stuck it to his forehead and proceeded to bobble his head up and down while saying "Look, it's a moving basketball hoop!" He looked so ridiculous that I tried to pull the hoop off of his head. Well, he had it firmly suctioned on there, so when it finally came off he had a 2+ inch purple circle right in the middle of his forehead! That circle stayed for days! I felt bad for trying to pull it off, but it was funny!
Cherry pie filling, a sweet treat that created a wonderful family moment and warm memories of the man we all love and miss so very much.
So, I grabbed a can of cherry pie filling, not really thinking about it. Then I grabbed whipped cream...... Last night, after dinner I spooned a bowlful for each one of us for dessert. As we ate our cherry pie filling we each went around the table and told a funny story about dad. Hannah told about the time Brian tied her to a tree with a doughnut tied around her neck and peanut butter on her nose (she was "bear bait"), he was making a video for his friend who he was going to go bear hunting with. We still have the video and it is really funny. Abbie (who pulls her eyelashes) told about the time Brian told her that whenever she thinks about pulling an eyelash that she should think about pulling a hair on his butt. Then he mimicked what his reaction would be if she did that. She still laughs about when she thinks about him saying that. Tucker told a story about Brian trying to get the kids to do something while they were watching tv. When he couldn't get their attention, he stood in front of the tv dancing in his underwear. Genevieve laughed as she told about a picture she had seen of Brian in bed with his bike (he had my baby blanket on top of the bike, which was the real joke there, since I was in my 20's and still slept with it!)
I told the kids about a time that my brother and I went to a race with Brian in Arkansas. We were bored, and our hotel was across the street from a mall, so we went shopping. We bought a Nerf basketball hoop that had suction cups to attach it to the door. On our way home, my brother was driving and Brian and I were sitting in the back seat of the car. Brian took that basketball hoop, stuck it to his forehead and proceeded to bobble his head up and down while saying "Look, it's a moving basketball hoop!" He looked so ridiculous that I tried to pull the hoop off of his head. Well, he had it firmly suctioned on there, so when it finally came off he had a 2+ inch purple circle right in the middle of his forehead! That circle stayed for days! I felt bad for trying to pull it off, but it was funny!
Cherry pie filling, a sweet treat that created a wonderful family moment and warm memories of the man we all love and miss so very much.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April Fools!
How I wish I could have woken up this morning to my husband's smiling face as he said to me "April Fools! That was a good one, huh?" Didn't happen and isn't likely to.....
One year on April Fools, when I was pregnant with our second baby I thought I would play a joke on him. Twins run in his family, his paternal grandmother was a twin and the pattern was that every 3rd generation had twins, that was our generation. I had been to my doctor the day before for a routine check-up. I told Brian as we were watching TV that my growth hormones were double what they should be. I'm of course thinking that he is going to think twins.....instead he got up and walked into the kitchen. I followed him a few minutes later to find him crying at the sink. My first thought was, "Wow, would twins be that bad?" Like I said, in my mind he would hear that my numbers were double and think twins, however, I did not take into account that there are OTHER things that can inflate that number. Brian, being the doctor that he was heard that number was high and instantly thought CANCER. He was crying because he was afraid that I had cancer. He was afraid for me and our baby. Ironic, isn't it. He loved me so much that the mere THOUGHT of me being sick put him instantly in tears. That was my Brian....He loved (((loves))) me.....
Of course, he got me back.....it wasn't April fools day....it was a few days later, but he got me back. As I was getting ready for work he yelled upstairs in a panicked voice "Sheryl! A hawk swooped down and got Chloe!" Chloe was one of our dogs, a Keeshond. Not a small dog, but not huge either. Here I am pregnant, running down the stairs yelling for him to do something. He was laughing hysterically. Yep, I should have thought that one through......Chloe was much to big to be carried off by a hawk, duh! There was that wicked sense of humor shining bright, and his smile lighting up his face. That was my Brian....I loved (((love))) him.....
One year on April Fools, when I was pregnant with our second baby I thought I would play a joke on him. Twins run in his family, his paternal grandmother was a twin and the pattern was that every 3rd generation had twins, that was our generation. I had been to my doctor the day before for a routine check-up. I told Brian as we were watching TV that my growth hormones were double what they should be. I'm of course thinking that he is going to think twins.....instead he got up and walked into the kitchen. I followed him a few minutes later to find him crying at the sink. My first thought was, "Wow, would twins be that bad?" Like I said, in my mind he would hear that my numbers were double and think twins, however, I did not take into account that there are OTHER things that can inflate that number. Brian, being the doctor that he was heard that number was high and instantly thought CANCER. He was crying because he was afraid that I had cancer. He was afraid for me and our baby. Ironic, isn't it. He loved me so much that the mere THOUGHT of me being sick put him instantly in tears. That was my Brian....He loved (((loves))) me.....
Of course, he got me back.....it wasn't April fools day....it was a few days later, but he got me back. As I was getting ready for work he yelled upstairs in a panicked voice "Sheryl! A hawk swooped down and got Chloe!" Chloe was one of our dogs, a Keeshond. Not a small dog, but not huge either. Here I am pregnant, running down the stairs yelling for him to do something. He was laughing hysterically. Yep, I should have thought that one through......Chloe was much to big to be carried off by a hawk, duh! There was that wicked sense of humor shining bright, and his smile lighting up his face. That was my Brian....I loved (((love))) him.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)