The "W" word......

I am a widow.  I know, big surprise, my secret is out!  I was chatting online today with another widow.  A woman who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer as well, 10 months before we lost Brian.  In our conversation, the word "widow" came up.  She exclaimed that she HATES that word.  In fact, I have heard this statement from a number of widows.  I don't hate the word widow.  Don't get me wrong, I hate BEING a widow, but I don't hate the word widow. 

When you tell others that you are a widow, it is interesting to see their reaction.  Some people are uncomfortable and gloss over it as though I just said "It's raining outside".  Others get a tear in their eye and tell me how sorry they are.  Some ask how I am, and they truly want to know, they ask about the kids, they ask if we need anything.  Widow.  It is a strong word and it floods people with emotion. 

Widow is not a bad word.  To me the word widow tells others that I am not single by choice, but by circumstance.  We were married for 18 years, and though technically I am single, I certainly don't FEEL single.  I would never check the "single" box on a form.  That would feel as though I was erasing a part of Brian and a part of who I am.   The word widow lets others know that I was loved and that I loved.  The last night that Brian was awake I whispered in his ear "I love you"  he said "I know" I smiled and said "I know you do" then he whispered back "I love you".  It was the last thing that Brian ever said to me.   

I am a widow, I am not single by choice and I was loved by my husband.