Happy... :)

The other day I got one of the nicest compliments that I have ever had.  I was at my yearly physical, and my nurse looked at me and smiled and said "Happy looks really good on you!".  Awww....that was a great thing to hear, and you know what?  The best part is that it is TRUE.  I AM happy.  I have been traveling on this winding path of widowhood for 14 months now, and happy is not a word I felt like I would have used to describe myself for a LONG time.  I never imagined that I would actually be able to smile again the way I used to before Brian died, but I can, and it is a genuine smile, not the fake one I displayed for so long.

There are a lot of things that have contributed to this feeling of happiness and well being that I feel.  I have done a lot of things for myself in the last 14 months.  I lost a significant amount of weight when Brian died and I have kept it off (though I never recommend my diet!) and I have been walking daily to help keep it off and ward away my anxiety.  I joined a young widows support group, went to Camp Hope (three times) and twice went to Camp Widow.

I have to say that Camp Widow was one of the BEST things I could have ever done for myself.  I went to the first one feeling numb and the people I met and the classes I took (being at a resort on the ocean didn't hurt either!) helped me to come out of my cocoon.  The second time I went I know that my butterfly wings grew bigger, brighter and more beautiful.  I came home feeling....different, and that feeling has stayed and grown.  I am doing my best to nurture myself and continue to heal.

"Happy looks really good on you!"  You know what?  Happy is an AWESOME feeling....